by The Big Mick O2C2b and Charter Member of CFHb

Out of Control Conservatives Backlash Brigade and

Conservatives for Hillybama

But I digress. Some of you might remember that, on The Day of the Great McInski Shorts Drop, I predicted the uppedrumps would need a plausible, oh so rational sounding, Fig Leaf or Leaves to cover their...selves. McScuses if you will.  A few days later, I began to catalog (and the project really needs a better organizer than me) the McBeech Flying Fig Leaves as to type (mainly by the central pseudo- argument advanced), and rate them according to the strength of their, faux-plausibility and cogency. I began to number them in the order in which I encountered them, but have had to make adjustments because the more frequented Fig Leaves ought to be rated with the higher (1 being "highest") numbers–i.e. the most "popular" McPromdate Fig Leaf being Number One (1) on the hit parade. An "A" rating was earned for the Originality (the first or best sounding) of the ersatz rationality, with points be deducted for also rans and especially for unintentional self-deconstruction–by which I mean the McInski furnished excellent reasons for not voting for McAin’t while intending just the opposite.*

*SIDEBAR: It could be argued that some of our TH "conservative" joystickers are so full of guile, subtlety and wit that they would deconstruct themselves on purpose, thus getting the best of both worlds–appearing to McOnica up–or would that be down-- and thus retaining their access, face (take it as you will) time on Fox, and A-List Party Invites, while, in reality, quite stealthily, sabotaging, Mav’s airplane. I don’t trust any of them enough either to make, or buy, that argument.

To resume. Thus the First, and still the most "popular" McPromdate Corsage (adds a whole new meaning to "nosegay" doesn’t it!) Is McBeech Flying Fig Leaf 1 (McBFFL 1–get it?):  "Hillary is Worse!". The first one encountered, or most original or plausible sounding (and it was actually a "lay" responder in the "comments" that earned this A rating with an nice little bit of Legislation by Legislation Vote comparison of Hillybama and McAin’t) being McBFFL1A, subsequents being B or C variants.

The Second McBFFL (McBFFL2) is "The Big Mac". Two All-American Beef Patties on a Says Me Bun. The McBeef being, of course, "War Hero", and "Leader." This argument is particularly prone to self-deconstruction for two reason. One is it cannot help but remind us of the Dole Fiasco. Remember "I can lead", "I can lead"," It’s MY TURN!"–add in a pretty little Shirley Temple stamp of the foot? It also reminds the thoughtful that it begs the question Where will The McChurian Candidate lead us to! Which brings to mind all his Mac The Knife Back stabbings that Allan Keyes has mentioned. But the real problem for the purposes of McFigleafing is that it reminds us that a play that failed miserably the first time is not, perhaps, the best winning strategy to run again against the same opponent!*

*SIDEBAR: Look for my analysis elsewhere on TH that McAint’s "Tale of the Tape" V Hillybama is such an obvious loser (think Nixon vrs Black JFK) that it suggests the plausibility the Establishment Machine Party Bosses–EMPBs–may have feared an Anti-Amnesty Candidate so deeply that they would rather rig the process and lose than get one. And this from me, who has pooh poohed Conspiracy Theories the length and breath of TH!

To Resume: And then there is the fact that The EMPBs and their "Maverick", (rogue, remember) "Big Mac"do get upset at Special Orders, at least from Conservatives. We cannot "hold" what comes with the Big Mac. Special Sauce of McFeingeld and No Tax Cuts, Mexican Let Us shamnesty, Cheesy Gang of 14, Sour Pickles, OnYon ANWR no Drilling, and that on a SAYS ME, bun.

The Third McScuse. McBFFL3 is "The 4/5 ths Pounder". Here we have the reminder of McAvericks "lifetime" Conservative Rating–it loses points for pseudo-cogency because Coulter and others, mostly "lay" comment responders, have pointed out that the late McAin’t is way lower than the Original McAin’t..

SIDEBAR: Why is it that people can make 130K a week running Reconquista Aliens into AZ? Why is it that the Border Penetrating Sweet Spot is the home of McShamnesy R-AZ? Oooooh! Oooooooh!–Best Car 54 imitation there—R-AZ now means Reconquista AZ!!!!!

To Resume: Here again, the argument, by reminding us of the 15% where McAin’t AIN’T, is inevitably self-deconstructing. Keyes’ Mac the Knives, again. When one considers the Roll Call of the 15%–vital Conservative Issues like McShamnesty, McFeingeld, No Tax Cuts, ANWR, Gang of 14,–one remembers that a Brownie of merely 15% Dog Sheite is still Inedible!

The utterly damning thing is simpler, however. How can you call yourself a Conservative, and expect to be believed by any rational thinking person, while shilling for Uber Commiequeer Keery’s Veep!!!! It simply reeks of hidden agendas, and sell outs. Hence the terms, McBeeches, McOnicas, McInskis, etc, etc etc.. And again, the fact the outsiders, those independent of the EMPBs and Beltway Parties Politics (i.e. The Radios) seem to have (with exceptions like McMedved) universally resisted McAint’s and the EMPBs’ blandishments (and or threats), suggests that some can’t be bought, which in turn suggests many can.*

*SIDEBAR: What does it suggest that the Prints (Coulter and maybe Kevin MaC and a few others excepted) and the TVs have McRumpedUp, while the Radios have not? That they and the EMPB’s are now spinning like crazy to Marginalize the Radios? Now who led the charge against Shamnesty? And who is the GOPper Candidate? And who is making money by providing an Independent Product? A True Conservative Principle? And who are more parasitical dependents on the Political Establishment?–a Commiequeer* Principle? What’s all that tell you about who the REAL** Conservatives are?

*SIDEBAR to the SIDEBAR: commiequeer, for those encountering it for the first time, is my semantically correct and succinct alternative to the "terminological inexactitude" ‘liberal’ or ‘left’. The latter based, by the way, on a deliberately false, outmoded and misleading linear Political Model. It is interesting to note that especially the McSpreadin and Shillin Prints are dissn REAL** Conservatives in the same Language as the Commiequeers. What’s that tell you about where their affinities really are?

**SIDEBAR to SIDEBAR 2: We need a good Acronym of REAL Conservative.

Reagan Excellence Alla Long? Reagan Excellence Against Liberals? Reaganite, Evangelical, Anti-Shamnesty, Lower Taxes? Need some help here, people.

To resume: Past the First and Original McBFFL 1-3 there were several others though they overlapped and ordering was difficult. McBFFL 4-7 or maybe just 4&5, depending, consisted of such gems as: "the good of the McGOP". As if the Gilt Bird Cabin Conservative Free GOP had not abandoned Conservatives in their, supposedly, thoughtful, rational, winningly, expansive, reaching out to the mythical moronic moderates (don’t call me commiequeer even though I am)! This "McG L(iberal)P" was served with a side of faux-scholarly "Dead Hand of History Fries us, look at all the failed precedents", and a "McSert" of Guilt. "If Hilly wins it’s your fault"–note the overlap with McBFFL 1. I admit, one McPromdate, McSaunders, served up a "McSert" Lite: "Do you want to be a loser"—which, unfortunately for her and her rating, simply reminded us that, Yes!, that may be the Better choice–the EMPBs sure seem to think so!

SIDEBAR: I don’t have the drive to research this through back TH columns–I would encourage somebody to do it though–a complete catalog of all McInskis and their FFLs, properly labeled and rated. McSaunder’s, for instance, had a nice little lemon twist of pseudo-psychobabble as a cross over bridge to McBFFL 3 "The 4/5ths Pounder".

To resume: Then there was "McBrand Loyalty" of Mike Der Blue Barone (I did take the time to research that one) where McAverick was touted as the appropriate Choice for the Elephants that dislike Dissent (which is where we get the Term rogue in a exquisite piece of self-deconstruction) and rewards Uniformity. That one was a HOOT, because REAL Conservatism rewards Innovation in the Market Place of Ideas and does not stifle Competition! Robber Barons do that! Monopoly the opposite of Real Conservative Free Market-ism is "Winner Take all!" (If I trusted Der Blue Barone more, I’d say he was a prime Candidate for the Damnation by Stealth Only sounds like a McOnica, Saboteur Award!)

Hence my new term for the Establishment Machine Party Bosses of the Gilt Bird Cabin Conservative Free GOP–The Robber Barons.

And it was at this point, the intersection of "for the good of" the ‘McGLP’ and "McBrand Loyalty" that the move toward a Unified Flying Fig Leaf Field Theory, began to emerge.

I call this first emergence: "McGOPLs". The Robber Baron EMPBS of "McGOPLs" want you to service them while they "serve" you up a menu of McSame old Thing. "Big Mac", "The 4/5s Pounder", "McDead Hand of History Fries us", "McSert"Guilt. Here we get the arguments, "Our Product, "McGLP", ( carefully NOT truthfully labeled as "Socialism LITE") at least is better for you than ‘The King Hillybama Socialism Whopper’". The 74 cent menu of "The Old Geezer will only last one term, what harm can he do, we’ll ‘let’ you pick second." And "we’re the only bugger joint in town!" Unfortunately they, in a special interest to "broaden" their market share have introduced the poison of the 15% for those who crave the taste of Dog Sheite and it’s in ALL their products, and we can’t hold any of it. McAint’s Socialism Lite Shamnesty only kills more surely for being slightly slower. It accustoms the victim, as we have been herded since the Gipper left office into being  accustomed, so the Fatal Dose is assuredly absorbed . At least with The Queen Whopper and Socialism Straight there is the chance and hope of an allergic reaction that might result in America choking on it and puking it back up. No such hope with the McSame old road and strategy that has brought us to the very brink of Socialism.

Hillybama, the Robber Barons have finally succeeded, is actually the lesser of the Two Evils for that reason.

Refining the Fig Leaf Field Theory further, one sees an emergence from the intersection of "McGOPLs" and The Robber Barons. I call it: "The Company Store". Here we are told to shut up, go back to work for the EMPBs and buy what they choose to sell us at the Company Store at Prices they set. There is no better metaphor for "McGOPLs" being the Opposite of Conservatism and Free Markets than the competition eliminating and People controlling and enslaving Company Store.

But in addition to "McGOPLs", the "Company Store" of the Robber Baron EMPB’s, some variations on the "Dead Hand of History Fries us" Appeal to the Past argument, and the particularly commiequeerlike Vitriol of our "Partners" on TH produced another emerging Over Metaphor.

I kept hearing phrases (though never quite this honest in construction) like "You’re stupid", "You’re selfish", "You only want your way", "All you do is beech.". "You’re a frigid purist." "You’re nothing without us." "You stupid, silly, religiousbeech". "You’re sleeping with that Coulter Beech, aren’t you!". "I’m the Man of the House"-- one McOnica in the last few days, who I didn’t bother to backtrack, presumed to Tell Us that the rest of the Family ("The Rank and File"–no cross overs or indies, no matter the real percentage, and you can believe as much or as little of that as you want) had Spoken!, was against us, and we needed to shut up and go along. "Think of the children." "I’m not really so bad.." "Think of all the good times we had going to Ronald’s House." "I’ll make it up to you in 012" (the veep argument) "I’ll Change" (sure Kerry’s veep will). "If you leave, you will starve," "You don’t have anywhere else to go!" And variations on the Theme. Those of you who are educated, intelligent and observant–the usual REAL Conservative Qualities–will note this is disturbingly like the language of a spouse abuser!

 What does that tell you?

Way past time for Separation and Divorce, Girls. Infidelity, Adultery, Unfaithfulness, Psychological and Physical Abuse, Power Drunk, Financially Irresponsible and Now Abandonment. Irreconcilable differences of Basic Political Principle and Practice. What more grounds do you need? How many rapes is enough?

I’ve taken all I’m going to take, and I’ve starting punching back.

So here it is, Amigos, The McBeech Flying Fig Leaf Unified Field Theory:

The Robber Barons want us, their spouses, to Monica for McAin’t, "for the good of "McGOPLs, the Company Store. That’s The Proposition, and it is the lowest form of Spouse Abuse on the planet. Pimping your wife, your sister, your brother, to the enemy in order to seal a deal for yourself. Much like what can be seen in the Sandnazis’ Patriarchal Culture, n’est ce pas?

I ain’t ywhoring for nobody, much less the drunken abusing bastids who abandoned me.

I’ve re-registered as an Independent and will vote for Hillybama for the "lesser of two evils" "straight poison and hope for hurl", reasons above.

Mcup Yours, Mac, and all the McOnica McInski Mistresses too. You want to keep your status, buy your own kneepads. I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin and you ain’t sellin me.

The big mick